I don’t want to spoil it for you, but yes, I got dumped one week before traveling to see the man I had been talking to for the last four months.
Now, going back to the story, it all happened last year, when we started talking through text, then our “relationship” upgraded to endless Facetime calls and talking through almost every important holiday the universe has Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s Eve, Valentine’s Day and even President’s Day.
After the first call, I knew he was the person I wanted to be with and my hopeless romantic self thought “Maybe this is it! Maybe finally all my prayers will be answered and God, the planets or whatever you believe in is giving me the person of my dreams” (YES, I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING, I WAS WRONG).
I was excited about him, about having someone to talk to on those Friday nights at home, someone with who I could be myself. To my eyes, he was the hottest, cutest man I had ever seen (Sorry Jared Leto, Chris Hemsworth, and Brad Pitt) but then, reality came in, and slowly, even though I was ignoring my gut, I started to see little red flags.
It’s funny how your gut works, and how when something is wrong, you can’t be calmed and enjoy it. With him, the only moments I had peace were when we Facetimed, but texting to me was hell because I had a lot of doubts and insecurity about where we stood. Even with those doubts, I bought a plane ticket to his state with the excuse of taking vacations, and I thought “after seeing him, things will be great and he’ll be my person” (I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING AGAIN!! WRONG WRONG WRONG!) and one month after buying the ticket and daydreaming together about my trip, the Monday prior the departure date, he woke up and decided to tell me that things aren’t going to work between us because of distance and that he knew I was visiting him but he couldn’t commit to plans because he had his regular life.
That night I cried. I cried like a baby and I couldn’t sleep. I felt like a fool. I was angry, sad and disappointed but that night, the universe made me understand something bigger than I thought.
That night I was able to understand that maybe my journey isn’t about love right now. I’ve spent years of my life with the idea of having my forever person at X age and having everything figured out before 28 -not even 30!!- and that self-pressure was what made my expectations on him and this situation really high. He seemed good on paper, he was fun, smart, easy to talk to, tall, masculine, you name it, but in reality, he wasn’t someone that was actively pursuing my heart. He knew I was there for him, but he never made an effort to actually pursue me besides his good morning texts, and ladies, if a man isn’t making an effort...you don’t even need to ask where you stand, because the answer is obvious.
As women, we tend to focus on the potential of what someone might have instead of focusing on reality. My reality and my dreams were different but with that said, it made my vision blurry. My mom always tells me “don’t fall too fast, don’t get too excited” and now I know she’s always right.
As much as I wish I could hate him, I don’t. It’s wiser and smarter to just let go of what you can’t control.
I believe that him bailing days before my trip was a blessing in disguise because this experience made me learn more about me, what I want in a man and what I want to do with my life.
I still feel sad, but I’m bigger than my “online love story” and in a few days, I’m taking a trip with that plane ticket I bought, by myself to enjoy my own company, my best friends and the city of my dreams.
My journey right now is about me, about loving myself, pursuing the career of my dreams and keep sharing stories with all of you. I’m sure, and I trust life that someday (well, after I take all the trips on my bucket list) the man of my dreams, red starburst will appear, and he will be great.